Bass Guitar Jokes

may give guitarists a laugh!

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand
  • Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice
  • One, but the guitarist has to show him first
  • Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light

A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."

A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string." Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "This time I learned the first five notes on the A string." One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks: "Hey, what happened in today's lesson?" "Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to my lesson; I had a gig!"

A tour manager comes across the guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage and pulls them apart asking what the problem was. "That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes." "So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "He won't tell me which string it was he detuned", said the Bassist.

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Jungle story

A missionary becomes lost in a deep and dangerous jungle but after some weeks, he hears the sound of drums, and he staggers his way towards them, exhausted and starving.

He finds a small village where the headman welcomes him, feeds him, and nurses him back to health. As he slowly recovers he notices that the drums continue to beat, night & day, day and night which he begins to find annoying, so he asks the headman if he could ask the drums to stop,

"NO! Never! - if the drums stop, something VERY bad will happen!" So the missionary tries to ignore it, but eventually he again asks if the headman will get the drumming stopped, and he again get the reply that if the drums stop, something VERY bad will happen.

So he asks the question "So- what WILL happen when the drums stop?"

The headman replies "AIEEEE - Bass guitar solo!"

Bass joke

How can u tell a guitarist is talking crap?

His lips move

bass Range

Whats the range on a 5 or 6 string bass?

as far as you can throw it. LOL

goes the same with a 7 string gueeeeee tard.

soundman joke.........how many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb?

1-2-3----3 test 1 --1-2---3 3 test 3------test test LOL

sorry .... if it was posted b4

bass Range

Whats the range on a 5 or 6 string bass?

as far as you can throw it. LOL

goes the same with a 7 string gueeeeee tard.

soundman joke.........how many soundmen does it tke to change a light bulb?

sorry if it was posted b4

1 -- 2 -- 1- 2 2 2 test 2 test 1 2 2 3 1 1 LOL

pretty good

i like the 1 about the 6 bassist changing the lightbulb mainly.........BECAUSE ITS TRUE!!!!

hehe

lol funny

Re: hehe

no its not.. your a liar.. U LIAR!!!.. ARARARARARARARARARARAR

lol

lol funny

ummmmmmmm

the first joke at the top of the page was gay wtf i dont gt it b/c evedently he wasnt a bass b/c its not that hard to find out witch is fuked up lol

door step

How do you get a bass player off your door step?

Pay for the Pizza!

p.s. I am a bass player, you filthy pricks!

bass joke

quiero saber armonia para bass

Bass joke

Im just sitting here not making a joke and pissing of BASS GUITARISTS

bass jokes

Q: What do bassist' drummers and guitarists all have in common
A: They all keep a steady beat while beating there meat

Re: bass jokes

Well I guess that lil Andrewsian is a man speaking from experience. Hey, 'drew, I bet your cock is so raw from all of the meat spanking you do that your eyes squint on the roll-up. HA HA HA

bass jokes

Q: what do u get when you cross a bass guitar with an electric guitar
A: A stringy weenie

Re: bass jokes

u fukin retard. THAT MEANS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: bass jokes

You and andrew are dumb whoever you are!

Re: bass jokes

i hate you alL!!!!...

bass jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a drummer with a bassist.
A: A stringy beat

bass jokes

Q: Whats the point of having a bassist.
A: Their always off-beat trying to carry that thick meat

Bass joke

A drummer walks into Guitar center. The store clerk asked if he could help the drummer. The drummer replied Im looking for a bass guitarist for a band Im starting. The man said that there is no point in having a bass anyway because they would be hogging all of the light.

Re: Bass joke

: A drummer walks into Guitar center. The store clerk asked if he could help the drummer. The drummer replied Im looking for a bass guitarist for a band Im starting. The man said that there is no point in having a bass anyway because they would be hogging all of the light.not bass is great you retard stop being a jack ass

bass jokes

a bass guitarist walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The girl next to him says r u a bassist. the man replies, how did u know. she says because bass players always have the thickest supplies

singers?

Q:how many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:one to hold the bulb, while the world revolves around him

Re: singers?

Q: How do you know there's a singer on your porch?
A: You open the door and he STILL doesn't know when to come in !!

vintage joke

Q: How many vintage guitar collectors does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: they wouldn't dare! it would decrease the value of the ceiling

Re: vintage joke

: Q: How many vintage guitar collectors does it take to change a light
: bulb?
: A: they wouldn't dare! it would decrease the value of the ceiling

aside from decreasing value of ceiling if they did band wouldnt be allowed to come back to the joint

joke

whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine??
A
it takes less than 1/2 hour to punch a sense of rythem into a drum machine !!!!

guitars

try to pull a few strings and get some decent jokes!

Two more (for a six-string, too)

C'mon, people! Jokes are just jokes, and I like all of the above. Now two more

'How does a bassman recognize he's got the perfect sound? '
'When guitarist's balls resonate and vibrate.'

'How do you know that a bassman played a wrong note?'
'He's moved his finger.'

Re: Two more (for a six-string, too)

i dont get it.. still U SUk!!!!!!!!!!

appreciate the shit

Bloody figgen guitarists never get enough screwin' w/ us bassists.
May your guitar never be capable of producing low frequency tunes!!

Re: appreciate the shit

:fudgin penis heads!!!

appreciate the shit

Bloody figgen guitarists never get enough screwin' w/ us bassists.
May your guitar never be capable of producing low frequency tunes!!

askkkkkkk

got veren naber amcukkk hosafý

askkkkkkk

sený yerým sosýs mýnýk sosýs tatlý sosýsý kýzarmýs sosýs kocýsýn senýýýýýýýý cooookkkkk sevýyorrrrrr

i m a bassist lmao

hehe but its funny

I love it !!!!

I didn't think anyone ever had as many projects as I and still not found people who know theory and technique that are TRUELY SKILLED/PRACTICED. I appreciate it, as I'm sure do others. To hell with the negative sons'a bitxxes, we live to jam and they hate it cuz they just can't groove. Rock on groove holmes...

That sucked ass

This has to be the worst piece of crap ive read in my life and i dont even play bass.

What a laugh!

I have not come across many musical jokes and these are by fer the mostamusing. Being a guitarist in a band I semm to predudis about rythm guitarist, the drummer and of course the poor bass player(we shouldn't laugh, the poor guys only got 4 strings, wouldn't you be upset?)

Re: What a laugh!

DUDE ihate you.. give up your day job

Re: What a laugh!

: I have not come across many musical jokes and these are by fer the mostamusing. Being a guitarist in a band I semm to predudis about rythm guitarist, the drummer and of course the poor bass player(we shouldn't laugh, the poor guys only got 4 strings, wouldn't you be upset?)

Lol, how smart r u, someone who is unemployed managed to get a plane ticket *cough* retard *cough*

Re: What a laugh!

: I have not come across many musical jokes and these are by fer the mostamusing. Being a guitarist in a band I semm to predudis about rythm guitarist, the drummer and of course the poor bass player(we shouldn't laugh, the poor guys only got 4 strings, wouldn't you be upset?)

hey ive got 7 seven strings and i can keep a beat

Re: What a laugh!

: : I have not come across many musical jokes and these are by fer the mostamusing. Being a guitarist in a band I semm to predudis about rythm guitarist, the drummer and of course the poor bass player(we shouldn't laugh, the poor guys only got 4 strings, wouldn't you be upset?)

there are 12 string basses you know...

Bass Joke

An unemployed bassist is really bummed out and in need of work. He's
talking to a guitarist about it and the musician tells him, "I hear
they're just dying for bassists in India." The bassist buys a plane
ticket to India and as he's stepping off the plane, upright in tow, a
guy approaches and asks, "Are you the bassist? Here's directions. Be at
the gig at 7:00." That evening as the bassist joins the group the leader
begins counting off the song. "Wait! Wait!, yells the bassist. "I don't
know the tune!" The leader tells him, "Just fake it. But be sure you
give me heavy back beats on 7 and 13."

Re: Bass Joke

:
: An unemployed bassist is really bummed out and in need of work. He's
: talking to a guitarist about it and the musician tells him, "I hear
: they're just dying for bassists in India." The bassist buys a plane
: ticket to India and as he's stepping off the plane, upright in tow, a
: guy approaches and asks, "Are you the bassist? Here's directions. Be at
: the gig at 7:00." That evening as the bassist joins the group the leader
: begins counting off the song. "Wait! Wait!, yells the bassist. "I don't
: know the tune!" The leader tells him, "Just fake it. But be sure you
: give me heavy back beats on 7 and 13."

I don't get it. Then I am on AOL. No, wait...I've got it...it's jazz??

oh my god

YOU! NEED! BETTER! JOKES! THEY! REALY! SUX!

Re: oh my god

: YOU! NEED! BETTER! JOKES! THEY! REALY! SUX!
Wow, you seem to have such a rich vocabulary. Lets just hope your jokes are as hilarious as your interpretation of the english language seems to be.

Re: oh my god

i agree with yo u completely .. but i still hate all of you.>!!!

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