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Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q: How many bass players does it take to fix a lawnmower?

A: Anywhere from 30-75. One to change the bulb and the rest to fight off the swarm of lead guitarists who want credit for the job!

ANOTHER BASS JOKE

A bass player has gotten beat up, and someone did the worst thing possible...un-tuned his strings!! The bass player hired a person to tune it back for him. Why did he do this? Because he was too lazy to ask the guy who beat him up which strings he de-tuned!!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

My favorite Bass player joke, is about my favorite bass player Geddy Lee. My friend went to get Rush tickets once, and he bought one for each of us. So I asked him, How good are the tickets? He said, they are so good you could see up Geddy lee's nose. Then I said, that could be anywhere in the building. LOL

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q. What has a bass player and a condom got in common?

A. It feels better without but deep down you know you really should use one.

-----------

A guitarist walks into a band practice to see his bass player beating the hell out of his drummer, the guitarist quickly intervenes to break up the fight.

Bass Player: It’s not my fault he started it (pointing at drummer)

Guitarist: What did he do?

Bass Player: He de-tuned one of my strings

Guitarist: Don’t worry we can re-tune it

Bass Player: No we can’t, he won’t tell me which one

Mike
Bass Player Age of Ruin
<A>HREF="http://www.ageofruin.com">www.ageofruin.com</A>

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

@ bass players were waliking past a bar.... Hey it could happen!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A guitar player comes to the doctor and complains about a serious deterioration of his memory. He especially has a hard time remembering correct changes and is afraid to lose all his gigs. Since the doctor can't find the cause, he asks the guitarist to leave behind his brain for a week in his lab for more detailed examinations. After seven days the guitar player fails to show up, and even after 2 more weeks there's no sign of him. Finally the doctor runs into him on the street, grabs him and asks: "Excuse me, but your brain is still waiting for you to stop by and pick it up, so why don't you show up?" The guitarist says, "Well, I think you can keep it; I finally switched to bass..."

mel

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What do you call a bassist who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: There was this boy he had a best friend his best friend had some other friemd they were pick on thier best friends friend. Every time they came around they said jerrett can suck my left nut!!!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A gal was getting married and her uncle was dickering with a musician relative to provide the music. The uncle was trying to hire nine mucicians for the price of six musicians. The discussion became very heated and the relatives parted with the musician relative saying "Don't worry, you'll get nine musicians".
On the day of the wedding, the nine musicians arrived to play. Nine bass players.
This is a true story and many years old.

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q: Now why spaces between frets on bass guitar are bigger and strings are thicker?
A: Because bassists are often drunk. :)

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Why was the bass player late for band practice?
Ans: Because you forgot to pick him up!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Here are a few jokes for you all

Q: What's the first thing a bass player says when he gets to work?
A: What will have with your fries?

Q: What's the best way to get a bass player to play softer?
A: Tell him he has to play notes on the first and second strings.

A bass player shows up for a gig in a very fancy hotel. The band leader meets him and shows him to his seat on the stage. The bass player takes out his bass and plugs in and looks at the leader, ready for the downbeat. The leader says to him " Would you like a few minutes to tune?"
The bass player answers "No thanks, I tuned last week"

Q: What do you get when two bass players are in tune?
A: Minor seconds

Q: What's the difference between a dead raccoon in the middle of the raod a a dead bass player in the middle of the road.
A: The raccoon was on his way to a gig.

A bass player was getting tired of all these bass player jokes, so he decided to read up on some of the tech stuff he had heard from the keyboard player and the sound tech. He spent many days reading about MIDI and waves, and digital delay and algorithms.
So finally one day he felt ready to afront these guys but just to make sure he was on the right track, he decided to test his new knowledge in a music store.
So he went down town and walked in the store and started asking the clerk to give him a digital midi sound enhanced reverb when suddenly the clerk stopped him and said, " You must be a bass player, right?" The bass player was amazed and said, "That's right. How did you know.?
The clerk answered, " This a hardware store"

A Lame Entry, but I need a decent guitar!

Our apartments have really thin walls. I'm sure that the college aged neighbor girl is tutoring a bass player. Late at night, we've often heard her yelling "E! E! E-E-E!".

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

How many bass players can you fit in a volkswagon. Seven if you use a chainsaw.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Three myths in the world.
1- Jesus in the seven-eleven
2- Santa claus at the north pole
3- Bass player on time to practice.

Stop your stupid jokes

heh guys !
I just would say that you and the others mans really really SUX with your poor jokes.
They don't makes laugh, so STOP and go playing your fuckin leads
I'm guitarist too, and I say that guitar-hero and guitarist who think they're the most important member of a band are GAY. You're TOTALLY wrong.
FUCK the GUITAR-HERO.
Stay alone and shut up !
P.S. : metallica's really GAY

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? None,the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

un chef d'orchestre (de balluche ) voit dans le back stage
le bassiste du groupe en train de giffler un gammin de 5 ans
il s'ecrit " arrete ,mais qu'est ce qu'il t'as fait ce gammin ?"
le bassiste _" il m'a desacordé une corde de ma basse ! "
le chef d'orchestre_"ben c'est pas très grave !"
le bassiste _"non ,mais il veut pas me dire la qu'elle"

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

This is a stupid joke i know it but well, here goes -

once upon a time, there was a boy named timmy. One day he decided to join a band after
watching his favourite band play. He did not know which instrument he would like to
play so he asked his mother if he could ring a guy about an advertisement in
his local paper. He rang the guy (his name was Fred) and when he hung up, timmy told his mother
he was going to practice.

The boy was a bit puzzled about Fred's request but he went to his room and ate ten cans of beans.
The next morning Timmy caught the bus to Fred's house and rang the bell. Fred opened the door and timmy promptly turned around, stuck his butt in the air and did
a huge fart. Fred yelled and told timmy to get off his property, and then tim realised he had not heard Fred correctly on the phone.
he walked home and stopped at a church. Tim stayed at the church for mass then returned to Fred's place to tell him what he had done.
Fred sighed and repeated to tim what his role in the band would be.

Timmy walked home, dropped his pants and in front of the mirror and wiggled his
bum around. When he had his routine perfected, he went to sleep, finally certain he had got it right.
Timmy woke up and ran to Fred's house to give him the good news that he could become a member of the band.
Timmy rang the bell, Fred answered, timmy pulled down his jeans, turned around and shook his butt around for all he was worth,
in a perfect choreographed routine.

Fred just opened his mouth then yelled at timmy to pull his pants up. Then Fred wrote clearly on a piece of paper:

'I said you were to play BASS in our band. Not Gas, not Mass and most certainly not ASS.'

Timmy was highly embarrassed and went to the doctor's to get his hearing checked.
They found that timmy only had gum stuck in his ear, but when timmy reported back to Fred, Fred said 'why
on earth weren't you puzzled that i supposedly wanted u to do those things?!'

Timmy didn't know and went for an IQ test. When the results came back, Fred was certain he had found the perfect bass player, and as
a bonus, he could be a back up drummer.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q: What do you call a guy onstage with a bunch of musicians?

A: A bass player.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

There was good band playing a gig in a crowded bar. The crowd was in awe of the band who were really in "the groove". The crowd stood respectfully in quiet admiration as the band swung into the gentle strains of the opening to "Freebird", when the bass hit a distinctly out of time, sour note. An obvious drunk stood up and yelled "Bass player is a piece of shit!", then promptly sat back down in obscurity. The band continued and about halfway through the first verse, the bass player botched it again. A drunk stood up and yelled, "Bass player is a piece of shit!" and sat back down. The band stopped suddenly and the lead singer walked out into the crowd, grabbed an anebriated young man by the collar and jerked him to his feet. "Did you call the bass player a piece of shit?". The drunk, somewhat shame-faced, said nothing and stared at his shoes. "I'll ask you again, did you call the bass player a piece of shit?". To which the drunk replied, "What you really should be asking is who called that piece of shit a bass player".

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What do you have when you have a bass player buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand!!!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

How long does it take to learn the bass?

Two hours and that includes teaching them to count up to four!!!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A guitar and bass died and wnet to the pearly gates of heaven. God said to the guitar "What do you have to say for yourself." The guitar said "I'm sorry for I have sinned. I have drank beer, snorted coke, got woman to show their tits, and squandered millions of dollars." Then, God asked the bass what do you have to say for yourself?" The bass replied " I never get in treble!"

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Why don't woman play the bass?

Because you couldn't even get a blonde to do it!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

After many frustrations with bassplayers, here's one I came up with.

How do you confuse a bassplayer?

Play a Major 7 chord

Don't get me wrong I do want the bass! =)

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

How many bass players does it take to clean a toilet?

None, it's a woman's job.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A blonde went to a an audition to become a rock star!
At the audition she was asked the following questions.

Can you play a musical instrument?
Blonde: No
Can you sing?
Blonde: No
Can you keep rythem?
Blonde: No
What talent do you have?
Blonde: I can jump up and down while bouncing my tits
Perfect, you'll be the bass player!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster
When carring equipment in the back door of bar in a small town in Missouri our bass player noticed an old dog laying by the back door licking himself. Our bass player said, "Man I wish I could do that" Thats when our drummer replied, "I think you should pet him first" ------True story !

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What did the bassplayer say when he drooled on his bass?

"Dhuuugh...... sphluuu..... da da da ghaaaaa...phlugugugu....blaflaagguuu"

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster
While carrying in equipment through the back door
of a bar in a small town in Missouri our bass player noticed an old dog laying at the back door licking himself. That's when our bass player said, "Man I wish I could do that" Our drummer replied," I think you should pet him first."-----True story

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A mini bus with four bass players in it, falls off the edge of a cliff, whats the tragedy?

The mini bus can hold eight!

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

The easter bunny, Santa Claus, a guitar player and a humble Bass player were placed in room, each one in a separate corner. A brand new crisp $100 dollar bill was placed directly in the center of the room. If they all started out at the same time, which one got the $100 dollar bill ??

A. the guitar player. why? because there is no such thing as an Easter Bunny, no such thing as a Santa Claus and there's definitely no such thing as a "humble Bass player".

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What do you call a musician with an IQ of 120?
A Guitarist
What do you call a musician with an IQ of 80?
A Bassist
What do you call a musician with an IQ of 6?
Del Puckett !

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What do you call a bassist that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

What do you call a bassist that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A bassist, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some real musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian.
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"

"Bass solo."

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

I lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would like some musican brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.

"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.

"What are those way back there?" she asks.

"Those are bassists brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.

"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"

"Lady, do you realize how many bassists it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q: What does it mean when a bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
A: The stage is level.

Peace_
TM

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q: What was the bass player's test on?
A: PAPER!! MWAHAAHAHAHA

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster
this isn't a joke but funny none the less. i saw a bumper sticker that read "you are following a bass player; just like the rest of the band". how funny is that? someone should get over their complex.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q. How many bass players does it take to replace a light bulb.

A. None. They're the ones who stole the light in the first place.

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Q. What happened when the bass player locked his keys in the car?

A. It took two hours to get the drummer out.

: Hey yall,

: We've got a great contest going at the moment.

: GuitarSite.com is celebrating the Brisbane International Guitar Festival (BigFest 2000) by
: giving away an Ibanez bass GSR100 bass guitar, worth $499!

: AND ENTERING IS EASY!

: Tell us your favourite bass player joke. Tell us all your bass player jokes if you want. Yes, it's as simple as that!

: We'll be judging the winner during celebrations at BigFest 2000. If your joke gets the best
: crowd response, you win the Ibanez!

: This contest is open to people from all around the world and there are no age restrictions.
: So what are you waiting for? Tell a bass player joke! But please remember to supply a valid
: email address in your entry so that we can contact you if you win.

: Cheers
: The GuitarMaster

How do you know when a bass player's knocking at your door?

How do you know when a bass player's knocking at your door?
Because no matter how many times you tell him, he never knows when to come in.

How do you know when a bass player's knocking at your door?

How do you know when a bass player's knocking at your door?
Because no matter how many times you tell him, he never knows when to come in.

What do you call a guy with no talent who hangs around with musicians?

What do you call a guy with no talent who hangs around with musicians?
A Bass Player

How many Bass Players does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many Bass Players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to do it and four to sit around and talk about how Geddy Lee would have done it.

Re: TELL A JOKE... WIN AN IBANEZ BASS!

Joey Di Maio of Manowar

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