Home Forums Guitar Discussion Bass Guitar It was a terrible big bang…

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  • #23507
    BopsAlot
    Participant

    The Life and Art of Bass Playing

    by Tony Levin

    In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a
    Precision, but it could have been a Jazz – nobody knows. Anyway, it was
    very old…definitely pre-C.B.S.

    And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was
    very good in fact, and couldn’t be improved on at all (though men would
    later try,) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.

    and lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful ‘sunburst
    red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang
    through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus
    reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and
    He smiled at his handiwork

    Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo
    it was funky.

    And God heard this funkiness and He said, “Go man, go.” and it was good.

    And more time passed, and , having little else to do, the man came to
    practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great
    set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled
    like a breeze through the heavens.

    And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He
    had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of
    furniture, which He hadn’t even created yet, and He was not so pleased.
    And He spoke to the man, saying “Don’t do that!”

    Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new
    ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the
    heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion.
    (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that’s another story.)

    And God heard this – how could He miss it – and lo He became Bugged. And
    He spoke to the man, and He said, “Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix,
    I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts.”

    And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But
    now he had upon him a passion for playing loud, fast and high. the man
    took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did
    slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high
    upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the
    commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and
    blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rock with the assault and the
    earth shook, rattled and rolled.

    Now God’s wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man.

    And He said, “O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I
    shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can
    even think of.”

    And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall
    play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always
    stand next to the drummer.”

    “You think you’re loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps
    to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other
    instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster
    than the bass.”

    “And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the
    other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the LOW notes.
    And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say
    “WOW” but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you’re
    ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands.
    And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall
    have to sneak them in like a thief in the night.”

    “And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the
    bandstand and go to the bar for a drink.”

    And it was so.

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    • #126755
      1bassleft
      Participant

      Funny how often I see a “what bass was used in that Seinfeld riff” post around the web.

      Mind you, back in the earlyish 80s, there was a Thomas Dolby song called “Hyperactive”. Dastardly hoppity funky bassline that I tried but bust knuckles on (I wouldn’t be able to play it now, never mind back then). Still, I later read it was done on this new-fangled Fairlight CMI thing. Never heard of a “sample” back then, unless the police suspected me of smoking unusual cigs.

    • #74673
      boogieman
      Participant

      8)

      OUCH !! Anything but that !!! 8)

    • #74677
      1bassleft
      Participant

      Yep 😆 and, just to rub it in, God made the “Seinfeld” lick be played out of a sampler and sequencer.

    • #74658
      boogieman
      Participant

      8)

      AMEN , AND THEN THE LORD SAETH : ” LET’S BOOGIE !!!!” 8)

    • #74640
      Tim
      Participant

      😆 Thats fine as long as they buy me one whilst they’re there.

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