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Sorry for this offtopic but it’s damn funny :))) I could not hold it!
Why it is good to be a man?
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
2. Your orgasms are real. Always
3. Your last name stays put
4. The garage is all yours
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth
8. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
10. Same work .. more pay
11. Wrinkles-add character
12. You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments
13. Wedding Dress 000; Tux rental 00
14. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen
15. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them
16. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.”
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.i think its the best joke!
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In order to please a woman we (men) have to (list incomplete)…
- Be sensitive to their needs
Remember ALL important dates.
Acknowledge that ‘whenever you have time’ means NOW.
Always respond ‘of course not’ to ‘Does my bum look big in this?’
Retain a mental map of every conversation we’ve ever had with a woman in order to be able to pick up where we left off, no-matter how great the time-lag is in-between.
Acknowledge that nothing they ‘need’ is too expensive or frivolous.
Get used to being ignored and spoken about as if you weren’t there if there is another woman in earshot.
Put down the toilet seat (why? – If they can get pissed off with us leaving it down, why can’t we get pissed of at THEM leaving it UP?).
Acknowledge that ALL soap operas are watchable because they are ‘real life’, not like that rubbish Sci-Fi/Horror/Thriller (delete as applicable) that WE like.
Acknowledge that the desire for and accumulation of hundreds of pairs of shoes, tens of handbags and the need for more wardrobe space than your house is actually capable of providing is a necessity. Whereas your need for another guitar is a fripparous and un-necessary expenditure.[/list:u]On the other hand, all women have to do to please a man is…
- Get Naked.
Bring Food.[/list:u]😆
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[quote=”Tim”][quote=”Stacey”]
17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.
[/quote]
I never think about football…[/quote]
Does this suit you more ….
17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or guitars.
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Why It’s Wonderful To Be A Woman
1. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.
2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she’ll think she’s gay.
3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
4. A woman can never be blamed if it’s wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.
5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it’s because she was being emotionally neglected.
6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.
7. Women live longer than men.
8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.
9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.
10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).
11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman’s problems.
12. Women don’t feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.
13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
14. Women know the truth about whether size matters…
15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.
16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.
17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.
18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.
21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.
22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.
23. Women don’t have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.
24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she’s cute.
25. Women can admit to others when they’ve made a mistake
26. If a woman cries, she’s sensitive; if a man cries, he’s a wimp.
27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.
28. It’s cool to be a daddy’s girl. It’s sad to be a mummy’s boy.
29. Women can wear platforms – which is why there is no such thing as a short woman’s complex.
30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.
31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.
32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.
33. A woman’s friend won’t try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she’s drunk.
34. A woman won’t drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.
35. Women aren’t covered with hair like shag carpeting.
36. Women don’t feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.
37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.
38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.
39. Women don’t think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.
40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week.
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