Homemade 'Garage' Relic jobs. The Worst (Obviously!!)

I just don't know what to say..
I keep seeing stuff for auction on ebay with sellers proudly displaying their goods, secret relic-ing techniques undisclosed, and they think they are doing a wonderful job, anyone seen a relic ( i left it out in the rain with some rusty nuts and bolts on it for 5 days) as bad as this one?

Some of his quotes:

'This guitar is a 2003 Squier Telecaster which has been modified and reliced by myself to look like a really old and battered beauty'

'The metal parts have all been sympathetically aged to give that authentic vibe.' (Tea stains on LCD screen after reading that one)

'The body on this beauty is a solid wood job' -( nice to see its not marine ply.)

'I would happily take this guitar anywhere (why not start with your local Dump?)- it is definitely a talking (surely he means 'laughing' point?) point and something to be proud of. It's not often you see a Broadcaster now is it?' (More tea on monitor... Broadcaster?? this pile of ....)

'Ladies and gentlemen (boys and girls?), what we have here is not a Custom Shop relic (At last, some honesty), but a budget conscious version which looks every inch the part.'

'The intonation and action have been set up properly to a very high standard, this would cost you around £60 in a music shop' (i think he means £20 to post it there £20 to get it back £15 for the setup and a fiver for the strings...£60 my arse!)

here are some ebay customers comments:

'Good relic...Very pleased...Best setup guitar ive had....Cheers..Buyer IM_SO_FCUKINGSTUPID(140) 23-Sep-07 180157916960

'Good item, well relic'd. Thanks Buyer SELLERS_BROTHER(72) 01-Apr-07 180097392296

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This looks authentic... in a ' Oh dear, ive just spilled a can of brake fluid over my Strat' way.

this is from a home made Jeff Beck custom shop copy, the seller says it's better than a Custom shop because it's a 'one off' im just glad i ran out tea.
Look at the state of that neck plate, it looks like it's been left out in the rain with some nuts and bolts on it again..

Someone bought the art of relicizing a perfectly good guitar up the other day on Gsite News. Hell knows where I saw it.

I just don't see the appeal to be honest. It's like buying a 63 VW bug now in pristine condition, and then driving up and down the beach each day to add rust. Or even more so, just painting on fake rust.

Why go to all this effort to replicate Joe Strummer's Tele, but use some plywood cheapy as the starting point?


Cheap, proper-wood Teles abound out there.

This is quite horrible:


It's not such an appalling relic job as the Tele above but it's the sensibilities on display.

Did SRV ever play a Telecaster? He certainly didn't have one like that, did he?

Also, the use of the Fender logo on THAT headstock. Yuk!

Looks like the stickers are just a way of getting shut of a crap guitar they've been tripping over in the garage for a decade.

It's a sunburst, but the similarities with Stevie Ray stop right there. It's not a Strat. The knobs are the nastiest things I've seen since I went out with a girl whose dad was a venerealogist (he left his textbooks lying around; his daughter remained a virgin well into her twenties) and the logo is a ghastly splice-on (see a reverse pic for a perverse "Fecker" logo; just in case you might be fooled). I'm also not convinced this is a nitro finish on the neck. Looks like cheaper, easier, tung oil to me. Not quite worth the starting price, in line with any of those Vintage guitars of the 80s and 90s.

The strings look new, they have to worth a fiver, the knobs are straight off a Hondo II LP copy, i bet they are glued on as well, maybe even bluetac.
He hasn't even laid his laminate flooring right, look at the gaps.

I've just found this so-called "relic" Strat on eBay. The "work" on it is truly abysmal and extremely heavy-handed. Lots of photos follow because I want you to appreciate the full extent of the butchery and kack-handedness on display. The sanding work is execrable (check out that fingerboard), whilst the back of the neck just seems to have been set on fire. They've also taken a flame to the volume and tone knobs as they appear to be melted. Like that's really going to happen with normal wear and tear through constant gigging, etc. Sorry, but the person that created this complete mess can be called nothing less than a complete wanker.


Normal tear and wear my ass. Looks like it's been f'ed by a pack of camels.

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