My first song writing attempt

This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 16 years, 9 months ago by Tim.

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June 8, 2016 at 12:17 pm #24402

GeoNjules
Participant

Music would be 12 bar blues. Any constructive criticism or tips would be great.
-Cheap Whiskey Blues-

Woke up this mornin’ , Lord it hurt to tie my shoes.
(repeat)
I been drinkin’ all night, got those cheap whiskey blues.

My head wont stop-poundin’ ,wish the pain would go away.
(repeat)
If could get thru this, I swear I’ll never drink again.
And I said that before. (toss in line)

Chorus-
I got those cheap whiskey blues.
Got those cheap whiskey blues. (2 more x)
If I don’t stop this, It ill be the death of me soon.

(this part is where the band stops after each line)

Headed to my driveway, to see if my car was there.
I was crossin my fingers, and sayin a prayer.
When I saw my ride, I was so relieved.
Said thank you Lord, you must be watchin’ over me!

Repeat Chorus.

Its not finished yet, but I was just wanting a little input before I continued…..Thanks.
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- July 23, 2007 at 10:14 pm #128499
  
  Tim
  Participant
  
  Sounds like my experience of 2002!
  
  Relieved to note that you’re from ‘right next to Chigago’ That does go someway to tackling the cliche problem. I love the blues, it’s what I tend to play when I’m just messing about but lyrics are a real bitch due to this very problem.
  At least you’ve got the accent. I’m from Yorkshire, UK:
  
  By ‘eck lad
  woke up int’ morn
  n’all sheep were int’ouse
  
  etc…
  
  I’d say just stick at it, it’s your first attempt and it rhymns and scans, cool. I bin way more than I’ll ever perform, but if I get a few lines out of a song then it’s worth writing. IMO.
  
  Keep it up.
- July 23, 2007 at 9:31 pm #128498
  
  GeoNjules
  Participant
  
  Thanks you guys, for the input. I will heed your advice.
- July 23, 2007 at 7:24 am #128496
  
  lee_UK
  Participant
  
  Its a great song, maybe the dog thing just gets in the way.
- July 23, 2007 at 5:24 am #128497
  
  1bassleft
  Participant
  
  “woke up this morning and my dog was dead” is the cliche 12-bar. I guess that’s why Lee asked.
- July 23, 2007 at 12:16 am #128494
  
  GeoNjules
  Participant
  
  I don’t drink anymore but I used to drink ALOT. I’m just trying to write about some stuff that has really happened in my life.
  My wife would give me 2 dollars a day for work.
  Hence the title, Cheap Whiskey Blues.
  I don’t get the part about the dog. Are you saying the song is too cliche?
- July 22, 2007 at 4:58 am #128495
  
  lee_UK
  Participant
  
  I take it this is autobiographical?
  
  Had me in tears, i think we have all been there, just one question, what actually happened to the dog? are you gonna throw it in at the very climax of the tune? 😆
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