My first song writing attempt

Music would be 12 bar blues. Any constructive criticism or tips would be great.
-Cheap Whiskey Blues-

Woke up this mornin' , Lord it hurt to tie my shoes.
I been drinkin' all night, got those cheap whiskey blues.

My head wont stop-poundin' ,wish the pain would go away.
If could get thru this, I swear I'll never drink again.
And I said that before. (toss in line)

I got those cheap whiskey blues.
Got those cheap whiskey blues. (2 more x)
If I don't stop this, It ill be the death of me soon.

(this part is where the band stops after each line)

Headed to my driveway, to see if my car was there.
I was crossin my fingers, and sayin a prayer.
When I saw my ride, I was so relieved.
Said thank you Lord, you must be watchin' over me!

Repeat Chorus.

Its not finished yet, but I was just wanting a little input before I continued.....Thanks.

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I take it this is autobiographical?

Had me in tears, i think we have all been there, just one question, what actually happened to the dog? are you gonna throw it in at the very climax of the tune? :lol:

I don't drink anymore but I used to drink ALOT. I'm just trying to write about some stuff that has really happened in my life.
My wife would give me 2 dollars a day for work.
Hence the title, Cheap Whiskey Blues.
I don't get the part about the dog. Are you saying the song is too cliche?

"woke up this morning and my dog was dead" is the cliche 12-bar. I guess that's why Lee asked.

Its a great song, maybe the dog thing just gets in the way.

Thanks you guys, for the input. I will heed your advice.

Sounds like my experience of 2002!

Relieved to note that you're from 'right next to Chigago' That does go someway to tackling the cliche problem. I love the blues, it's what I tend to play when I'm just messing about but lyrics are a real bitch due to this very problem.
At least you've got the accent. I'm from Yorkshire, UK:

By 'eck lad
woke up int' morn
n'all sheep were int'ouse


I'd say just stick at it, it's your first attempt and it rhymns and scans, cool. I bin way more than I'll ever perform, but if I get a few lines out of a song then it's worth writing. IMO.

Keep it up.

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